The Great Pen Pal Dilemma

I don't want a pen pal.
I want someone to spend time with.
Someone to cuddle with
Someone who wants to get to know me.

I've got "Mr. J", who I've been corresponding with for three weeks. He lives an hour away. We have nice conversations and he doesn't make me want to throw my computer out the window. I think he's content with us being friends. (Pen Pals)

And I've got "Mr.S" More than 6 hours away. We've talked on the phone. He's interesting. He wants to date...but he's soooo far away.

But this doesn't help me find what I'm looking for. One guy. Who wants to go out on dates.
Who wants someone to be part of their lives.

One guy.
he doesn't have to be perfect.
Just perfect for me.

How To Be Catfish-Proof

Are you dating online?
Are you starting to get concerned that the person you're talking to isn't really who they say they are?

You might be getting Catfished.

Catfishing is the phenomenon of internet predators that fabricate online identities and entire social circles to trick people into emotional/romantic relationships (over a long period of time).

If you are dating online you WILL run into catfish. You WILL run into scammers. It's so easy for people to take advantage of someone and it's bad news for someone who is looking for love.

Knowledge IS Power. I promise you.

Step One. You've been talking for a few weeks. Will he Skype with you? Most catfish/scammers will come up with some excuse about why they can't do it.

Step Two. Use the power of Google. Use it...I'm serious. Google his user name. Google his email. Google his pictures. Google the first paragraph of his dating profile.
Why, You ask? because Scammers use the same profile and the same email address on MULTIPLE websites. Because they figure you won't look.

Step Three.
Where's he from? Almost everyone leaves a trail of information on the internet. Start with his state.
Go here... http://www.fbi.gov/scams-safety/registry and type his name into the sex offender registry for whatever state he lives in.
Wanna know if he's been in prison?...http://www.bop.gov/iloc2/LocateInmate.jsp
Go to his state's municipal court/common pleas court website...you'll be able to see if he's had legal trouble.
Does he own property? Go to his state's Auditor's website and do a property search.
Sometimes you can even find marriage/divorce info online. Not every state has it...but I know Ohio does.

And the number one test that catches catfish..
Tell him you're coming to meet him. 9 times out of 10. He'll have no part of it.

If he won't meet you...RUN!!
He's hiding something.

Other things you can do to protect yourself online. Don't give out your real phone number. Use Google Voice to get a number that masks your real one. You can still call each other and text each other. I always tell the guys up front that I'm using Google Voice and they'll get my real number when I'm comfortable enough to give it to them.

Create an email address just for online dating stuff. Nothing's more fun than having a crazy person email your real email address.

If someone makes you uncomfortable. STOP talking to them. Forget about being rude. You don't owe this person anything. BLOCK them from contacting you.

Good Luck and Happy dating!

Mr. HappyHeels

I like OkCupid....usually. Every now and then you run into an odd duck. I got a message from a really cute Asian businessman in New York. It started off nice enough.

Mr HappyHeels: "Hi. How are You?"
Me: "I'm good. How are you?"
Mr HappyHeels: "I'm good. You're really cute. I like black women."
Me: "Um...thanks. I like Asian guys."
Mr HappyHeels: "So do you wear high heels?"
Me: "No. I have big feet and I walk like a newborn calf in heels."
Mr HappyHeels: "Oh, well, you won't have to walk much in the bedroom."

This is where I should have shut him down.

But I was bored and decided to play along a little bit more.

 

 

 

Me: "Oh....ok."

Mr HappyHeels: "Has a guy ever bought high heels for you before."

Me: "Guys have bought me lots of things. Flowers. Candy. Dinner. Never heels"

Mr HappyHeels: "Oh that's too bad. You should let me buy you shoes."

 

Then he sends me a link to a website with fetish heels.

 In leather.

 

 

Me:"Oh."

Mr HappyHeels: "Do you see anything you like?"

Me:" Ummmm..."

 

Then he proceeds to tell me what he likes to do with women in high heel shoes.

I was done at this point.

I don't know why I entertain the nonsense.

 

Me:" Look, sweetie. I don't think we're here for the same thing. I wish you good luck in your search and hope you find what you're looking for."

 

And that was it. Over as fast as it started.

 

What did I learn? There are some...interesting people out there on these dating sites.

And Ain't nobody got time to deal with crazy.



Mr. I Don't Know What I Want

Honey, If you don't know what you want, I certainly don't know what you want.

Mr. I-Don't-Know-What-I-Want is on multiple dating websites.

His profile is a portrait of self-hatred and negativity.

One of the first questions I asked him was "Why are you on dating sites, if you're not looking for a date?'

He launches into this long self-loathing tirade about how his ex took him for everything and now he's living on his brother's couch. Trying to dig himself out of debt and he never imagined in a million years that women would actually contact him on a dating site.

-_____- 

Really?

Again...why are you here?

And again he goes into how he doesn't feel like he has anything to offer anyone in a relationship. How it's just him and his cats. (yes, multiple cats), how he hates his mother...but does stuff for her out of respect and how the women on his job think they know him...but they really don't.

This is a dating site...not a therapy session.

Too bad...he was kinda cute and amusing.

Life Imitates Art

I was watching an episode of 'The Big Bang Theory' where Raj and Stuart were trying out online dating. It hit home....really hard. They were commenting to each other how their respective profiles had gotten 100's of page views, but no responses.

Yeah, boys...I feel your pain.

I mean it wouldn't be so bad. If there was maybe one or two responses. But to see the page views and know that no one is saying anything...geeze...that's hard.

One of my friends joined OkCupid a few months ago. She was not only bombarded with page views...she had multiple responses. It was insane. She felt so overwhelmed that she took her profile down after about two weeks.

What is it about me ?
It doesn't matter if it's online or in person. Men typically ignore me. All. The. Time.
I keep asking myself why am I even trying.
I guess I'm just hopeful that somewhere in this sea of people, there's one made just for me.

Mommy Needs A Date

My name is S.A.M., because it doesn't really matter what my name is or who I am. Soo...let me tell you a little about me. I'm 40 years old. I am the adoptive mother of 4 children, ages 19, 18, 15 and 15.

I've spent my entire lifetime (or at least it feels like it) raising children or taking care of everyone's needs but my own.

Now that the children are older and don't need me as much...I'm looking for a mate. A wonderful person to spend the rest of my life with. This task is harder than it would appear. So I invite you to join me on this adventure. It's already been a hell of a ride. It has to get easier...right....right ?

Love Always,
S.A.M.