The Great Pen Pal Dilemma

I don't want a pen pal.
I want someone to spend time with.
Someone to cuddle with
Someone who wants to get to know me.

I've got "Mr. J", who I've been corresponding with for three weeks. He lives an hour away. We have nice conversations and he doesn't make me want to throw my computer out the window. I think he's content with us being friends. (Pen Pals)

And I've got "Mr.S" More than 6 hours away. We've talked on the phone. He's interesting. He wants to date...but he's soooo far away.

But this doesn't help me find what I'm looking for. One guy. Who wants to go out on dates.
Who wants someone to be part of their lives.

One guy.
he doesn't have to be perfect.
Just perfect for me.

How To Be Catfish-Proof

Are you dating online?
Are you starting to get concerned that the person you're talking to isn't really who they say they are?

You might be getting Catfished.

Catfishing is the phenomenon of internet predators that fabricate online identities and entire social circles to trick people into emotional/romantic relationships (over a long period of time).

If you are dating online you WILL run into catfish. You WILL run into scammers. It's so easy for people to take advantage of someone and it's bad news for someone who is looking for love.

Knowledge IS Power. I promise you.

Step One. You've been talking for a few weeks. Will he Skype with you? Most catfish/scammers will come up with some excuse about why they can't do it.

Step Two. Use the power of Google. Use it...I'm serious. Google his user name. Google his email. Google his pictures. Google the first paragraph of his dating profile.
Why, You ask? because Scammers use the same profile and the same email address on MULTIPLE websites. Because they figure you won't look.

Step Three.
Where's he from? Almost everyone leaves a trail of information on the internet. Start with his state.
Go here... http://www.fbi.gov/scams-safety/registry and type his name into the sex offender registry for whatever state he lives in.
Wanna know if he's been in prison?...http://www.bop.gov/iloc2/LocateInmate.jsp
Go to his state's municipal court/common pleas court website...you'll be able to see if he's had legal trouble.
Does he own property? Go to his state's Auditor's website and do a property search.
Sometimes you can even find marriage/divorce info online. Not every state has it...but I know Ohio does.

And the number one test that catches catfish..
Tell him you're coming to meet him. 9 times out of 10. He'll have no part of it.

If he won't meet you...RUN!!
He's hiding something.

Other things you can do to protect yourself online. Don't give out your real phone number. Use Google Voice to get a number that masks your real one. You can still call each other and text each other. I always tell the guys up front that I'm using Google Voice and they'll get my real number when I'm comfortable enough to give it to them.

Create an email address just for online dating stuff. Nothing's more fun than having a crazy person email your real email address.

If someone makes you uncomfortable. STOP talking to them. Forget about being rude. You don't owe this person anything. BLOCK them from contacting you.

Good Luck and Happy dating!

Mr. HappyHeels

I like OkCupid....usually. Every now and then you run into an odd duck. I got a message from a really cute Asian businessman in New York. It started off nice enough.

Mr HappyHeels: "Hi. How are You?"
Me: "I'm good. How are you?"
Mr HappyHeels: "I'm good. You're really cute. I like black women."
Me: "Um...thanks. I like Asian guys."
Mr HappyHeels: "So do you wear high heels?"
Me: "No. I have big feet and I walk like a newborn calf in heels."
Mr HappyHeels: "Oh, well, you won't have to walk much in the bedroom."

This is where I should have shut him down.

But I was bored and decided to play along a little bit more.

 

 

 

Me: "Oh....ok."

Mr HappyHeels: "Has a guy ever bought high heels for you before."

Me: "Guys have bought me lots of things. Flowers. Candy. Dinner. Never heels"

Mr HappyHeels: "Oh that's too bad. You should let me buy you shoes."

 

Then he sends me a link to a website with fetish heels.

 In leather.

 

 

Me:"Oh."

Mr HappyHeels: "Do you see anything you like?"

Me:" Ummmm..."

 

Then he proceeds to tell me what he likes to do with women in high heel shoes.

I was done at this point.

I don't know why I entertain the nonsense.

 

Me:" Look, sweetie. I don't think we're here for the same thing. I wish you good luck in your search and hope you find what you're looking for."

 

And that was it. Over as fast as it started.

 

What did I learn? There are some...interesting people out there on these dating sites.

And Ain't nobody got time to deal with crazy.